|NOT EVEN THE RAIN||By Sue Haley and Amber James|
I was thinking about you last night and as it is a while since I had any news of you I decided to write. Are you both well? I heard that you are teaching now and that Jerry has left the Police altogether. I do hope that you are settled now and happy.
Joe is keeping me running around much as he always has. His favourite trick is to drop yet more files on my desk, quite casually, when I am already swamped. I do enjoy my job though and I get a lot from it. I think that is important.
How do you like working with children? Is it making you broody?
Vincent is well. We hope that you will both be able to come for Winterfest this year - everyone was sorry not to see you there last year but I know how difficult it can be to get time off. Still, it should be easier now you've been there a while. You must come and stay with me.
Do write and let me know all your news.
It is a long time since we last wrote to each other and I am ashamed to say that I didn't reply to your last letter. I am sure you know how fast the days speed by. Jerry and I are well and very busy. Jerry now works for the government on a drugs rehabilitation program with the deaf.
I am glad that Joe is finding you plenty of work, it will keep you out of mischief. As for my new job, it certainly keeps me on my toes. I love being with the children and have started a drama group two evenings a week after school with the older children.
This year we will not miss Winterfest, Jerry and I will be coming to New York, so can I take up your offer of somewhere to stay? I would be only too happy to stay with my family Below but, Jerry is going to find it all very strange. Vincent told me that he hoped to meet Jerry one day so, now he understands the need for secrecy, the time seems to have presented itself. We were sorry to have missed last year's celebrations but perhaps the delay has given me the time to prepare Jerry.
You say Vincent is well, but no more. Haven't you two decided to `name the day' yet? Jerry keeps telling me we should marry and have a family, but I am unsure. Not unsure about spending the rest of my life with Jerry, there is no one else I would want to be with. I find it difficult to think of having children without a great sense of fear. How I miss having you and Vincent to talk to when I am worried. Jerry just doesn't understand.
Did Vincent ever tell you how I was found abandoned in the Park? For my parents, the thought of raising a deaf child proved too much. How can I make Jerry understand what it feels like to know that my own mother and father rejected me then dumped me like a bag of garbage? The doctors tell me it is likely that any children we have will be hearing-impaired in some way. For most of my life I have lived alone in my world of silence, there was no one Below like me. How can I condemn any child to that same loneliness? How can I bring a child into a world which will give only rejection as a return for the child's differences? Jerry cannot understand my reluctance but then it is not surprising, he is a hearing man in a hearing world. Jerry is not reminded every day of the things which set him apart as I am, he is not like me, he is not deaf.
|Can you understand, Catherine? Perhaps not. Jerry and I don't argue about this, but there are times when it stands between us like a solid wall and I worry if it will eventually push us apart. I love him so much and I know he loves me. Perhaps in time we will resolve things and both be content in our decision. Our love will help us find the way. It must!|
|I have talked far too much about myself. I should offer my
about the Nolan case. It made the newspapers here and I proudly boasted, `Catherine Chandler is my friend', to everyone at work. You did well to get the second
degree murder conviction. Does this mean you will be doing more court work and less leg work now? If so, I know Vincent will be much happier, he has never
liked the risks you take when you investigate these difficult cases. Still you don't need me to tell you that, do you?
I can't tell you more about Jerry's job, I know so little because of the confidential nature of the work. However I know he often works with the families of his deaf clients and he enjoys that.
We shall be with you in a couple of months for the celebrations, that is if the offer of accommodation still stands. Do write soon and let me know how everyone is. Give my love to my family and friends, tell them all they are often in my thoughts and always in my heart.
Until I hear from you,
With much love,
It's great news that you're coming to Winterfest. Everyone Below is pleased about it; Vincent says Mouse retreated to his chamber and won't let anyone near, so I don't know what he's cooking up for you! Pascal is working hard so you won't be cross with him and Father is delighted that at last he can welcome Jerry into the family properly.
I wanted to take some time off work after the celebrations in the hope that you could stay on for a week or so but Joe is going to be away that week so I can't. Could you come for a week before Winterfest? I know the schools will be off then so you should have no trouble but of course it will depend on what Jerry is doing. I do hope you can come early and of course you will stay with me - in fact I'll move out into the living room so you can feel at home. I want you both to feel comfortable here, treat the place as your own.
I have some plans for our time together but I will also leave you some free time to go out or stay in, whichever you want. I know how important my time with Vincent is and I expect it's the same for you too.
I'm sorry that you are worried about having children in case they are deaf. If I remember right, Jerry told me that both his parents were deaf so there is every chance your children won't be. But I expect he has already told you that. Anyway Laura, even if you have a child that is deaf, that child is not going to be lonely or isolated because it will have the love and care of two wonderful people and the understanding which your own parents couldn't give to you. I think they were probably more frightened than uncaring, afraid that they couldn't give you all that you needed. Please don't hate them for that and please don't punish yourself and Jerry for what they did by denying yourselves children.
When I look at Vincent, knowing how much we love each other and knowing at the same time that our love can never be made into a person, I think I know real loneliness. I never knew that it was possible to be secure and happy in someone's love and still be lonely. Once in a while I feel that just a small step towards togetherness has been taken but I can't push Vincent or I know he'll pull away. You see Laura, we don't know what may happen if we `marry'. Vincent hasn't said so but I believe he's afraid he would hurt me. And any children we might have - well who can say? I've never discussed this with him because if I did I think it would do more harm than good. He cares about me so deeply that if he thought he was causing me pain he might go away - or send me away. He did that once before and I couldn't bear it to happen again.
You and Jerry have so much going for you. You are in love and happy - there is no reason for you to build walls between you. You say Jerry doesn't understand but have you tried to explain? Can I help at all? I'll talk to Jerry if you think it will help, but I won't say anything unless you ask me to.
Maybe the break here, away from work, will help you both to resolve things. I'm really looking forward to seeing you both again. Have you told Jerry about Vincent? I thought he could be here to meet him when you arrive, if you like. Let me know if you think it's a good idea.
I was so pleased to receive your letter. Jerry and I are both looking forward to Winterfest, although I think Jerry is feeling apprehensive. We would love to spend a few days with you before the celebrations and expect to arrive at your place on Tuesday evening about nine o'clock.
Perhaps you are right about my parents, but I will never know, will I? This will always cause me doubts. Sometimes, not knowing can be worse than the truth. From your letter I can see that you do understand the loneliness I feel at times. I love Jerry very much, yet these fears eat away at me. I had not realised that problems existed between you and Vincent, but you should never doubt his love. Remember, I saw the man who walked alone, witnessed the change in him after you came into his life. He changed, Catherine, when he realised that you loved him there was a new confidence, a new assurance. He knew he would no longer be alone. I think it is sad that he will not allow you nearer than you are and I am sure this hurts him as much as it hurts you.
Jerry and I do need time to resolve our differences. Thank you for the offer to speak to him but, no, I have to find my own way.
I have tried, as best I can, to prepare Jerry for all the unusual things he will see, including Vincent. So yes, please ask Vincent to be there when we arrive, it will be wonderful to see him again.
We will be with you soon,
''I do love you. I need to think. |
Have gone Below, but I'll be back before lunch.
Love, Laura xx.''